The Ten Commandments of Top The Tater
'Top The Tater' is a staple for us here in the Midwest. I have never met a person who hasn't loved Top The Tater. However, there are people who don't understand the importance of how to eat it, and how to properly respect the little green container of joy.
Thou Shalt Not Call It "Top OF The Tater"
Some people mistakenly refer to this as Top of The Tater. "Please pass me the top of the tater." NO! It's Top The Tater. Do you want to look like a tourist? No, get it right!
Thou Shall Use Wavy or Rippled Chips When Dipping
If you're going to dip straight out of the container (which is acceptable), make sure you use a rigid chip or pretzel to scoop it out. Regular chips are prone to crumbling and contaminating the container.
Thou Shalt Not Double Dip
It goes without saying, but for the love of God put enough on the chip the first time so you don't have to go back.
Thou Shalt Not Dip Doritos Into Container
Some people like Top The Tater on their Doritos. If you're going to do that, remove the dip from the container onto its own plate. Nobody else wants the nacho cheese powder in the dip.
Thou Shalt Not Put Almost Empty Container Back In The Fridge
If there are less than two tablespoons of Top The Tater left in the container, do not put it back in the fridge. It just creates a huge disappointment for the next person. Eat the rest of it and go buy a new one to replace.
Thou Shall Replace Top The Tater If Thou Eats Last Of It
The person that eats the last of the Top The Tater is obligated to purchase new Top The Tater within a 48 hour time period.
Thou Shall Remove The Plastic Seal And Throw It Away
Some people do this strange thing, like my wife. They peel back the seal and leave it on the container every time they put it away. It makes it look like a fresh container. Not cool. Especially when she violates commandment #5. This is what started this list.
Thou Shall Spread The Good Word of Top The Tater to Outsiders
A lot of people don't realize that Top The Tater is really only available in the Midwest. It's our delicacy, and we can share it with tourists who then fall in love. Then we can brag that we have something that they don't.
Thou Shall Aide Relatives Who Are Marooned In Top The Taterless Areas
XThere are members in my extended family that have shipped Top The Tater in dry ice to the west coast to help a family member in need.
Thou Shalt Not Put Any Other Dips Before Top The Tater
When it comes to Top The Tater, it is important to know that it is the one and only Dip that you will ever need. Do not buy other dips in its place. Do not sacrifice its fridge space or cooler space for anything else.