White meat, dark meat… or Spam meat? Even the most devout Thanksgiving eaters might have a hard time swallowing these 10 turkey-flavored, truly unique and totally bizarre edibles below. Somebody please pass the (regular-flavored) Alka-Seltzer.
Jones Soda Co. Turkey & Gravy Soda
Gag-gift aficionados look forward to Jones' special-edition, holiday-flavored pops every year. While the 2011 four-pack sounds quite tasty (candy cane, sugar plum, gingerbread and pear tree), the original sodas were distinctly less palatable: Brussels sprouts, Christmas tree, Dinner Roll and Turkey & Gravy, a flavor that, by the company's own admission, tasted pretty awful. If you're lucky (or a glutton for tastebud punishment) you can still find some for sale on eBay.
Doritos Roasted Turkey flavor
You know what the problem is with the classic Thanksgiving spread? Not enough fake cheese dust on your fingers. Remedy this with a sack of fir-shaped, bird-flavored Doritos. Just one catch, though — they're only sold in Asia.
Thanksgiving turkey cake
Caption this one “When Foodies Go Too Far.” This layered monstrosity, courtesy of Chow.com, was made with “sheets” of ground turkey and stuffing “cake,” frosted with mashed potato and cranberry sauce “icing” and topped with mashed sweet potatoes and mini marshmallows. Also best captured in ironic air quotes: How “much” we really “want” to “eat” this.
Lay's Turkey Potato Chips
What is up with Asia and greasy, gross-y junk food? Refusing to let Doritos monopolize the market, Lay's has its own turkey-flavored snack chips sold exclusively in China. Bet you can't eat just one! Actually, we'd probably lose that bet.
Science may still be working on the whole food-pellets-replacing-actual-food thing, but in the meantime, there's no need to actually cook Thanksgiving dinner at all. Just pop this trio of turkey, cranberry and pumpkin-flavored gumballs into your piehole — and taste the future! Because food-flavored candy worked out so well for Violet Beauregarde in 'Willy Wonka.'
Turkey Gravy Cranberry Cupcakes
Only in La-La Land would somebody invent something as outlandish as a turkey gravy cupcake with cranberry frosting. L.A.'s Yummy Cupcakes franchise unveiled its limited-time-only Thanksgiving pack — which also features Marshmallow Yam, Lime Jell-O and Pumpkin Pie varieties — last year. This winter, the company's opening its first overseas location in Istanbul, Turkey. We smell a conspiracy!
Spam Oven Roasted Turkey
Aw, Turkey Spam. The Thanksgiving meal of choice for lazy bachelors everywhere. Hey, it's gotta taste better than regular Spam, right?
Roast Turkey Pringles
Unlike Doritos and Lays, Pringles' Roast Turkey munchies were sold in England, a place known for its, uh, “unique” cuisine. Lookie how the chips (or “crisps,” as they're known across the pond) are styled into the shape of a turkey! Oh, those witty Brits.
The best thing about turkey-flavored aspirin is that, unlike the nine other items on this list, it doesn't actually exist. But it did make for a great punchline during Jessica Simpson's infamous 'Chicken of the Sea' sketch on 'Saturday Night Live.'
Panko-crusted turkey lollipops
Actually, these probably taste pretty good, and we could totally see them being a hit during the passed hors d'oeuvres course at a swanky holiday fete. Watch the video below for instructions on how to make them. Frankly, we're just not in the mood for turkey anything after seeing that Thanksgiving cake.